My Sister's Crush is Unacceptable, As I Feared
by NOT 80K Hikigaya
Summary: Komachi reveals that she has a crush on none other than Hayama Hayato! What will you do, Hachiman? [One-Shot] & [Epilogue A/B/C]
1. One-Shot

Hikigaya Hachiman was in a great mood.

He had (somehow) done well on all his tests today, Service Club activities had been suddenly cancelled without warning, and he was about to go one afternoon Isshiki-free.

Opening the door to his home, he announced, "Komachi, I'm back!" and waited for the soul-recharging hug from his adorable little sister.

"Welcome back, onii-chan!" Her enthusiasm was always just what the doctor ordered. Could his day get any better?

Maybe if Totsuka called him out and confessed his undying love to Hachiman, but that was far too selfish of a thing to wish for. Totsuka was everyone's angel, after all.

"So, what's new with my favorite imouto in the entire universe?" If anyone were to witness this exchange, they would surely accuse Hikigaya Hachiman of being a degenerate sis-con. Those shortsighted nobodies just didn't understand the infinite appeal and benefits of an unbreakable bond between siblings, especially one as cute as Komachi.

Of course, no one was as cute as Komachi.

"You may want to have a seat first, onii-chan." Komachi was unusually serious, a huge 180 from moments ago. "I have some good news and some bad news."

Putting his school bag down, Hachiman figured that his mood was high enough to withstand whatever Komachi had on her mind. "Tell me the bad news first then, Komachi." If anyone was giving her a hard time, his onii-chan instincts were going to run wild.

Noticing her brother's aura coming out, Komachi nervously waved her hands. "It's nothing that serious, onii-chan. You remember Taishi-kun, right?"

_Oh no. Are they dating now? Did he blackmail her into being his girlfriend? I swear, I'm going to squish that insect the ne-_

"I'll be hanging out with him less often from now on." _Huh? Wait, that sounds like good, no, great news to me! The less time you spend in his presence, the better._ Hachiman had to suppress his growing smile, still unsure as to how this constituted as 'bad' news. "I know how much he looks up to you, and lately, you seem to be getting more used to playing a big brother role for him as well."

_Note to self: Take Komachi to the ophthalmologist to get her eyes checked._

His spirits even higher than before, he pressed on. "And the good news?"

"I have a crush on someone!" beamed Komachi. But to Hachiman, her bright smile was at odds with the bombshell of a statement. Forcing himself to feign happiness for his dearest imouto, he cautiously asked, "Th-that's wonderful to hear, Komachi. Who is it? Is it someone I know?"

_Please say no. Please say no. Please say no._

"Uh-huh," she nodded. "He goes to your school. In fact, he's in your class. What a coincidence, am I right?"

_NO NO NO NO NO NO __**NO NO NO NO NO NO **__**NO **__**NO **__**NO **__**NO **__**NO **__**NO**_

"It's Hayama-senpai!"

Hikigaya Hachiman promptly fainted on the spot.

* * *

Minutes later, Hachiman regained consciousness, finding himself lying horizontally on the couch in the living room. "What happened? One moment, I was filled to the brim with joy, the next, despair."

"Onii-chan, you scared me to death, suddenly collapsing like that!" Komachi pouted as she chastised her brother, though it was in jest as always.

"Please forgive your onii-chan, Komachi. I swore I discovered something so terrible that I just couldn't face reality anymore." Unlike his sister, he was half-serious.

"Geez, I was just telling you I have a crush on Hayama-senpai."

The shock value reduced from no longer being completely new and unexpected, Hachiman did not faint this time. His mind, however, still needed a full reboot after crashing, unable to process what he had just heard, again.

He blinked once.

Then a second time.

Then a third.

"**WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT**?!"

Komachi was pretty sure her eardrums were shot.

_Mental note: Ask onii-chan to accompany me to the otologist to get my ears checked._

"Are you feeling unwell, Komachi? Have you been sleeping well? Are you stressed out about something? Is Taishi-kun bothering you?" He continued to rattle off any possibilities that would explain why Komachi was not in the right state of mind, as she of all people would never fall for the faker riajuu! It couldn't possibly happen, not in a million years!

"No." His voice was firm. "I forbid it, Komachi."

She simply laughed it off. "Onii-chan, you're overreacting. I said I have a crush on him, not that I'm dating him. I am still in middle school, so it might be next year at the earliest."

"Oh, god. You're serious, aren't you?"

Komachi nodded in response.

"You've barely interacted with the guy!"

"I've heard onii-chan rant about Hayama-senpai more times than I can count, so I think I have a pretty good picture of what he's like in person."

"My rants aren't singing his praises!" countered Hachiman, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"I think onii-chan is just a bit biased, so I've filtered the information through my Komachi-sieve to reach a reasonable conclusion."

"Don't you trust your onii-chan anymore, Komachi?" Hachiman was getting desperate. He always knew, hated even, that his Komachi would grow up and find someone else to be with sooner or later, but he hadn't expected it to be so soon, and certainly not the Prince of Soubu himself! At least the insect wore his heart on his sleeve!

"Mou, I'm not a kid anymore, onii-chan. I can judge for myself whether someone is worthy of my attention." There it was again, that impossibly cute pouting face she always made whenever Hachiman's onii-chan instincts went too far. "I appreciate you always looking out for me, I really do, but you're going way overboard here."

Were this anybody else, Hachiman would have grabbed her shoulders to violently shake some sense into her. But this was Komachi, his precious imouto. He looked into her eyes, trying to find any evidence that this was an impostor and not 'his' Komachi, but found nothing of the sort.

This was really happening. This…was madness. His mind raced to find a solution to the Hayama dilemma that wouldn't cause Komachi to hate him.

Wait, was he underestimating Komachi too much here? She had lived with him all her life and was no slouch in the human observation department. Surely, after meeting Hayama in person once (or twice, in a worst case scenario), she would see Hayama as the faker he 'truly' was. A pretty face and some sweet talk wouldn't be sufficient to poison Komachi's mind!

Yes, that was undoubtedly how it would play out.

And that wasn't even taking into account how Hayama would feel about the whole arrangement. Though a closely guarded secret to most, Hachiman knew that Hayama only had eyes for a certain devious onee-san; one who steadfastly refused to even entertain the idea of reciprocating Hayama's feelings. There was absolutely no chance that Hayama would accept Komachi's feelings in the first place!

_I worried myself sick over nothing, it seems. Sure, I'm still gonna have to, ugh, talk to the blond bastard about it, but some sacrifices have to be made to preserve my imouto's well-being, as well as my own sanity._

"Oh, by the way, onii-chan," noted Komachi, as she grabbed something from the kitchen counter. "Could you give this to Hayama-senpai for me?"

_What now? Haven't you tormented your poor brother enough already, Komachi?_ He gingerly took the item from Komachi's hand. "Wait, is this a-"

"Yep! It's exactly what you think it is, onii-chan!"

In his hands, against all hope, was a love letter from Komachi, addressed to one Hayama-senpai.

Resisting the urge to tear the offending paper in half right there and then, Hachiman pretended not to know the purpose of the accursed item in his hands.

"Komachi, w-what is this? It says, 'To Hayama-senpai'. Are you inviting him to a party in the near future using such an old-fashioned method?" So far in denial was Hachiman, that he nearly became a member of the Stardust Crusaders. [**1**]

"I know it's a foreign concept to you, onii-chan, but that," Komachi gestured to the envelope, "is what's called a confession letter."

Hachiman was at his wit's end. "Please tell me that this is just your way of messing with me, Komachi. Your gomii-chan doesn't know what he did to upset you this much, but I sincerely apologize, so please drop the act. Please, for onii-chan's sake." He hadn't expected Komachi to move this swiftly, not when nearly all of the other girls around Hayama were dawdling about.

"Komachi is quite serious about this." She put a finger up to her mouth, remembering something. "Oh, and if you decide not to deliver the letter, Komachi will hate you forever."

_Gah! Critical hit! Damned if I do, damned if I don't!_ It wasn't just him being incapable of accepting Hayama being anywhere near his imouto, but the scenario of approaching Hayama with a love letter in hand, if improperly handled, would cause the fujoshi population of Soubu to explode in a river of nosebleeds, the likes of which the world has never seen.

Resigning himself to his ultimate fate, he questioned, "Alright, when do I need to deliver the letter by? And do I at least get to choose the delivery method?"

"Komachi is a gracious and magnanimous person, so you have until the end of the week, which should give onii-chan plenty of time to figure out how to get it to Hayama-senpai."

_Might as well get it over with as soon as possible. I'll stuff it into that riajuu's shoe locker first thing tomorrow morning, but I'll have to get up super early to avoid any other witnesses, lest I commit yet another social faux pas._

* * *

Waking up an hour earlier than usual, Hikigaya Hachiman dragged his insufficiently rested body downstairs and began preparing breakfast for himself. Noting that his sister wouldn't be up for a while, he pondered over whether he should prepare her portion as well, as it would have cooled down by the time she came downstairs herself.

Deciding on a simple combination of scrambled eggs and sliced ham, Hachiman went about honing his cooking skills, as befitting of a future househusband-in-training.

"Onii-chan, that smells good." Hachiman was startled by the unexpected voice of his sister at this early hour.

"Komachi, what are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask the same of you," she replied. "It's your fault that I woke up, onii-chan, so you'd better take responsibility."

He recoiled at the use of the term 'responsibility', being reminded of a certain manipulative kouhai with character traits that overlapped with Komachi's own.

He prayed the two would cross paths as little as possible.

"Well, if a certain greatest-imouto-in-all-of-history hadn't sprung an outrageous request on her beloved onii-chan, necessitating extreme measures, I wouldn't have had to get up so early myself." To anyone else, this would have been considered hyperbole. To Hachiman, no adjectives were well-suited enough to describe his love for his imouto. "But now that you're up, I bet you're hungry as well, so go wash up first."

Throwing a few slices of bread into the toaster, Hachiman set the dining table for two and waited for the ***ding***, before plating breakfast for both siblings. Upon Komachi's return, they dug in immediately, occasionally bringing up their respective agendas for today.

"So you really woke up this early just because of the letter I asked you to deliver?"

Biting into a piece of toast topped with ham, Hachiman spoke with his mouth full. "Believe it or not, my dearest imouto, I have a loner reputation to uphold. I can't be seen committing acts of normie-ism, especially something that could easily be misconstrued as me crushing on Hayama." He shuddered at the fantasies that a certain glasses-wearing brunette would generate should she catch him in the act of delivering the letter.

"Well, I'm counting on you, onii-chan!" Hachiman sighed; there was no way he could refuse a request from Komachi, was there? He would have to turn in his onii-chan badge and forfeit his onii-chan title if he ever did such a heinous thing.

Rubbing Komachi's hair, he reassured her while saying, "Alright, leave it to me. But just remember, historically, Hayama has a high rate of rejecting confessions, so if things go bad, you can always come to onii-chan, OK?"

"Sure. I know that onii-chan will always be there for me."

Truly, pure sibling love is magical.

* * *

[**Hachiman's POV**]

After arriving at school much earlier than usual and checking that no one was nearby, I opened Hayama's shoe locker and slipped Komachi's envelope inside before carefully shutting it again. As it was still at least half an hour before classes began, I opted to take a walk towards the familiar vending machine which housed the drink of gods: MAX coffee.

Now all I had to do was wait. I didn't know what the contents of the letter entailed, but breaking Komachi's trust and reading it was never an option in my mind.

Besides, knowing Hayama, he'd probably demand to know what was going on upon realizing who it was from. _Predictable._

Tossing the now empty can into the recycle bin, I went to the stairwell and dozed off, hoping that I would wake up in time to avoid Hiratsuka-sensei's wrath.

* * *

The shuffling of footsteps jolted me out of my peaceful slumber. It seemed I hadn't slept through first period, so I quickly gathered my things and made my way to the classroom. Noticing that Hayama was already in his seat, I wondered if the prince had already read the letter. It wasn't like he could just take it out in front of the rest of his clique, especially with Miura there.

Poor girl, chasing after a shadow all this time, never knowing just how futile it was. If I were a sentimental fool, I might have shed a tear for her.

Getting into my typical head-down seated position, I spent the rest of the morning sneaking glances in Hayama's direction, trying to gauge whether or not my lunchtime would become a victim of this nonsensical farce.

Unfortunately, this had the side effect of fueling Ebina's BL fantasies, causing her to spurt blood from her nose in the middle of class. The last thing she muttered as Miura took her to the nurse's office was, "HayaHachi is really happening…it's finally happening…"

* * *

Lunchtime rolled around, and, as expected, Hayama strolled up to my desk. Without Ebina in the room, there was no possibility of fujoshi delusion overload, so I immediately rose and followed him without a word.

As soon as we were out of sight of our classmates, Hayama withdrew the letter and held it up to my face. "What the hell is this, Hikigaya?"

Noting the parallels between yesterday and today, I indulged in a little fun, just to mess with Hayama, as opportunities to do so did not come by often. "Really? You don't know what that is? That," I gestured to the envelope, just as Komachi had, "is a confession letter."

"I know damn well what it is. My question is why your sister's name is on it? Is this some kind of prank, Hikigaya?" Hayama was clearly unamused, but I continued to egg him on.

"It's just as it appears. I, too, was surprised when she asked me to make sure you got the letter, but I wasn't going to refuse my imouto's request." _I really, really wanted to, but I still have a weakness against her puppy-dog eyes._

"Fine. I suppose I owe it to her to at least properly respond, even if this is beyond my usual boundaries. Since I don't have her number, could you tell her that I'll be waiting at the meeting point at the indicated time?"

"Wait, she didn't include any contact information in the letter itself?" Since Komachi attended a different school, you'd think there would be an e-mail or something, at least.

"No, in fact, she explicitly wanted me to use you to relay the confirmation."

_I'm confused, this confession business usually works better the fewer interlopers there are, but for Komachi to keep me in the loop up to this point?_

"Whatever. Let me text her right now; she'll probably see it by the time school gets out."

"Thanks, Hikigaya." I knew it was a sincere 'thanks', but the circumstances prevented me from appreciating it fully.

"Just…let her down gently, OK? I'm not going to pull that 'if you break her heart' cliché line on you, but just remember, she is still my little sister." It wasn't so much a threat as it was a reminder.

"I'll see what I can do, Hikigaya." He waved and then disappeared down the hall.

My stomach rumbled, due to having breakfast earlier than usual, so I rushed to the cafeteria, hoping that something was still available for purchase.

* * *

Up until the end of classes, I was waging an internal debate.

_Should I tail Hayama to the meeting point mentioned in Komachi's letter?_

On the one hand, doing so would mean I didn't trust either Komachi or Hayama, or even both. That was sure to turn into a mess if I was discovered eavesdropping on them.

On the other hand, not doing so would mean that Komachi might be alone with Hayama, just the two of them. And that was far worse than being docked Hachiman points.

My mind made up, I now needed to come up with a plausible excuse to get out of the Service Club. Yuigahama was gullible enough to believe just about anything, but Yukinoshita wouldn't let such weak excuses fly. And if she tattled on me to Hiratsuka-sensei…I gripped my stomach, remembering the last time I felt Third Impact.

_Perfect! I can just say my parents, who are almost never home, asked me to pick up a few things for tonight's dinner. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama are well aware that it's usually just me and Komachi at home, so there's no reason for them to doubt me. You're a genius, Hikigaya Hachiman!_

"Yo, Yuigahama."

"What's up, Hikki?"

"Sorry to tell you right before club activities, but my parents asked me to take care of a few things for them, I know it's really last minute, but I got the message from them just now as well."

Yuigahama stared at me, trying to tell if I was just lying in order to avoid spending time in the Service Club with them, before responding, "I'll tell Yukinon. But you'll have to show up tomorrow, Hikki!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Thanks for informing Yukinoshita for me, Yuigahama." These girls and their pure smiles! I felt the tiniest bit of guilt for lying so blatantly to her face like that that I almost wanted to come out and admit it, but this, too, was a sacrifice made in the name of Komachi. _Hopefully, Yuigahama will forgive me one day._

Briskly walking towards the bike rack, I waited until I could see Hayama emerge from the school building. He was on foot, so catching up to him wasn't going to be an issue, but following him without giving myself away was going to be tricky.

_Hayama also probably needed to ditch his clique today. I wonder if-_ _Wait, is that…Miura trying to tail him?_

It was no secret that she crushed hard on Hayama, so if she suspected Hayama was meeting someone, then following him was well within her totally-not-stalking-him parameters.

This made things both easier and more complicated. All I had to do was follow Miura, whose Hayama-tracker was about as accurate as it gets. Sure, I might then be accused of stalking Miura, ironically, but as long as I kept a respectable distance from the two riajuus, that wouldn't be a problem.

No, the problem would be once Hayama met up with Komachi. Miura would fly into a rage, and in the worst case, if she didn't recognize Komachi from before, might even attack her for 'stealing' away Hayama.

I had to prevent that at all costs.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, the meeting spot was in a café.

_Why was I expecting anything different?_

Neither Hayama nor Miura had spotted me somehow, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I discreetly sat down in one of the corner booths, making sure I wasn't visible from the entrance, as Komachi hadn't shown up yet.

Imagine, then, when Miura also had the same idea as me and spotted me.

"Hikio!"

"Shh! Keep it down, Miura!" I had to hush her before she blew our cover. "Just get over here, you're probably here for the same reason I am." I motioned for her to join me in the small booth, momentarily forgetting the difference in our social status.

"_You_ were following us?" she whispered in the harshest accusing tone possible.

"Well, I was originally just following Hayama, but then you showed up, so I guess…technically, yes?" I tried to unsuccessfully explain, but she wasn't aware of why I was following him in the first place, so it sounded even weirder. "Look, you'll find out why any moment now, but please don't go out there until I say so."

"Huh? Why should I listen to you, Hikio? What do you know about today that you're not telling me?" The Fire Queen, ladies and gentlemen. Realizing it would be in my best interest to come clean before a misunderstanding occurred, I told her the absurd background information that lead up to this point, culminating in the two of us sharing a booth in a café.

"So your younger sister is going to come here to confess to Hayato, and you, being an extreme sis-con-"

"I am not a sis-con!" I protested.

"-came here to make sure everything was under control," she succinctly summarized. "Do you think there's a chance he says 'yes'?"

"There's absolutely no way he says 'yes'." _Besides, you could say he's into older women._

"I'm relieved to hear that, Hikio."

"Speaking of which, why don't you conf-"

"Sorry I'm late, Hayama-senpai!" My imouto had arrived on the scene; the sooner Hayama rejected her, the sooner we could all get out of this wretched place.

"Komachi, I received your letter and I'm flattered that you see me that way." I can't see his face, but it's likely plastered with that fake smile of his. _Don't fall for it, Komachi! Your onii-chan taught you better than that!_

"Let's cut to the chase, Hayama-senpai." Direct as always. "What's your answer?"

"I-"

Miura clenched her fists.

Komachi held her breath.

I rolled my eyes. Why are you dragging this out, Hayama? Just let her down gently and-

"I would absolutely be delighted to be your boyfriend, Hikigaya Komachi."

…

…

…

**WHAT.**

"Really, Hayama-senpai? I'm so happy to hear that! You know, my onii-chan told me I was likely to get rejected, so I was worried on the way here."

"Well, your onii-chan isn't an all-knowing god, now is he?" _I'm going to fucking kill him._

Beating Miura to the punch, I jumped out of the booth and strode up to the new couple, seeking some much needed answers.

"What the hell, Hayama?" I was seething, barely able to see past my rage. "I thought **_she_** was the only one for you. When did that change?" I deliberately left her name out for two reasons: one, for Miura's sake; and two, because I had a feeling that invoking her name acted as a summon, causing her to show up out of nowhere as she often did.

"I've moved on, Hikigaya. Or did you think I was incapable of changing myself?" He smirked as he got up, intending to walk towards Komachi.

I quickly positioned myself as a human blockade between them; this was all wrong.

"I won't stand for this, Hayama. Komachi is literally the only family I have nowadays. She is the stabilizing force in my life, and losing her would devastate me."

"I thought your parents are both alive and well?"

"They're barely home as is, so might as well exclude them by default."

"You could always find a girlfriend to ward off your loneliness, you know."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Hayama! No girl is going to show genuine interest in a dead-fish-eyed loner like me!"

"I don't know about that, it seemed like you and Yumiko were getting along quite well back there." _How did he even notice us?_

"T-That's not what you think it is! OK, fine, both of us were following you, but after that, nothing happened!" _What the hell is he trying to pull here? Is he tired of wearing masks in front of everybody?_

"Look, Hikigaya, or should I start calling you 'Hachiman' to avoid ambiguity? In any case, Komachi has laid her feelings bare, I have accepted them. If you won't give us your blessing as her older brother, at least don't get in our way, both figuratively and literally."

"**No**," I growled.

"'No'? Are you really sure about this, Hachiman? Denying your sister a shot at happiness, when she's standing right there listening, is that something you can live with?"

"If I let her go through with this mistake, I would have an even harder time living with that."

"She's going to hate you for this, you are aware of that, right?" Hayama looked between me and Komachi, then returned to addressing me. "This isn't something that a mere apology is going to fix."

"It doesn't matter if she hates me for the rest of my life. I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love Komachi more than anyone else in the world," I declared. "That's an immutable truth that will never change."

Komachi gasped. "Onii-chan!"

Turning to my imouto, I saw she was embarrassed beyond belief. "I meant exactly what I said, Komachi. I'm sorry, but I love you too much to allow you to date Hayama, no matter how much you like him. Even if you never forgive your onii-chan for this, I'll always be there for you." _God, now __I'm__ feeling the heat!_ "Hayama, if you want to spread the rumor that I'm a degenerate sis-con, go ahead. I won't yield on this."

"Kyahhhh! Onii-chan is sort of cool, but also super cringey!"

"Hikio, what the hell?" Miura had come out of hiding, even though Hayama somehow knew we were both there from the very beginning. "You really are a sis-con!"

"Spend fifteen years with someone, and you'll grow fond of them whether you like it or not." Thankfully, it seems the feeling was at least mutual.

I felt a tug on my sleeve. Komachi looked up at me, tears in her eyes. "Onii-chan, that was worth a lot of Hachiman points!" She gave me a vice grip hug, threatening to choke me to death. "Komachi also loves onii-chan more than anyone else in the world!" Breaking the hug, she exclaimed, "That must have been worth a billion Komachi points! Gyaaahhhhhh!"

"I see, Hachiman. It's my loss again." _Wait, you're still here, Hayama? Can't you read the mood? Scram!_ "C'mon, Yumiko, let's go someplace else and leave these two siblings alone."

"Hey! Wait up, Hayato!" She joined him outside the café, the last audible bits of conversation barely comprehensible. "…-at was that all about? Were you being serio-"

For his part, he simply made a chuckling motion. Ah, it appears the mask has been reapplied. Typical of you to never let your true face show around Miura.

Noticing the stares of the other customers were now focused on me and Komachi, I quickly decided to follow Hayama's example and leave the premises.

I also noted that between the four of us, only Hayama bothered to order (and pay for) anything.

* * *

Once we were a good distance away from the café, I turned to Komachi and prostrated myself.

"Please forgive this foolish onii-chan for secretly following you two! And interfering with your confession! And causing a scene! And-"

"Raise your head up, onii-chan. You're causing another scene right now," commanded Komachi.

Keeping my head pressed to the ground, I did not budge. "Not until you forgive me, Komachi." Any amount of embarrassment I endured paled in comparison to having Komachi legitimately angry with me. "Even if my motives were justified, it doesn't excuse what I did, getting in your way like that."

"It's alright, onii-chan. Truth be told, I was kind of expecting this to happen." _What? Her foresight ability has already evolved to this level?_

"Wait, are you saying this whole thing was a setup?" I raised my head to look at her in disbelief.

She didn't say anything, simply grinning as she gave me time to reevaluate everything that had transpired up to this point. Even if she played her part perfectly, there was no way to guarantee Hayama would have gone along with the plan. Unless…

"That letter didn't contain a confession at all! It was probably just instructions for Hayama to follow, wasn't it?" Komachi had used my onii-chan traits against me! "You knew that there was no way I was going to open the letter and read it before delivering it to Hayama, so there was zero risk of writing something completely different than what I thought it contained."

"You're partially correct. There was a confession included, but not in the way you're thinking of." Tsk. With the letter still in Hayama's possession, there was little chance I would get to read it for myself, especially after what had just occurred.

Well, I'm just glad my little sister's confession didn't end up as I feared.

* * *

[**Hayato's POV**]

"You really gave me a shock back there, Hayato." Yumiko was still going on about the mental damage she had taken when I 'accepted' the younger Hikigaya's 'confession'. Couldn't blame her, I've known how Yumiko has felt about me for a while now. 'Losing' to a dark horse candidate like Komachi was always going to deal a serious blow to her pride.

"Calm down, Yumiko. It was all part of Komachi's plan to get her brother to reaffirm his love for her." I took a drink of my coffee before continuing. "You know that he spends a lot of time in the Service Club these days, so she was probably feeling left behind, neglected, cast aside, that sort of unwanted mood."

"Then why not just tell him how she feels directly?" _Are you not seeing the irony here, Yumiko?_ "Why come to you for help? You and Hikio aren't exactly close."

"That's precisely why she called on me. As the closest thing to Hachiman's 'rival', he would definitely keep an eye out and oppose me at every turn." I took out the letter and handed it to Yumiko. "Here, take a look for yourself." _Seriously, no need to be jealous of a middle schooler._

_Dear Hayama-senpai,_

_If you're reading this letter, I have a confession to make: my onii-chan (Hikigaya Hachiman) hasn't been as onii-chan-like as he used to be. Komachi is worried that __if onii-chan continues to improve his relationships with Yukinoshita-senpai and Yuigahama-senpai that Komachi might not have a place in his life anymore._

_That's why I need your help in testing the sibling bond between me and onii-chan._

_He mentions you quite a bit at home, usually in not-so-friendly ways, but if he catches you 'stealing' me away from him, I think he'll be forced to admit how much I really mean to him. Hopefully in a public place with lots of witnesses._

_I'll be at the Café Chat Noir at 4:00pm. Should you accept this mission, please tell onii-chan to text me a confirmation!_

_-Hikigaya Komachi_

Putting the letter down, Yumiko sighed. "So he's a mega sis-con and she's a gigantic bro-con?"

"More or less, but at least it's a purely platonic sibling love. They both know better than to cross that line." _At least, I hope they know better._

"Geez, they're going to have a hard time finding a romantic partner who measures up to their standards, then. Although, I guess Isshiki does give off similar vibes, now that I think about it."

Somehow, I doubted that Hachiman would accept Isshiki as a society-approved Komachi replacement. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that for him, Komachi could never be replaced.

I took another drink.

_Komachi, this wasn't __**all**__ you wanted out of today, was it?_

* * *

[**Komachi's POV**]

I played the recording again.

_"__I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love Komachi more than anyone else in the world."_

And again.

_"__I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love Komachi more than anyone else in the world."_

And a third time.

_"__I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love Komachi more than anyone else in the world."_

Ahh, if only my onii-chan had made it less ambiguous by specifying "I love Komachi more than I love anyone else" or "I love Komachi more than anybody else loves Komachi", but that would have been too awkward to ask him to clarify in the heat of the moment.

What's important is that I now have this voice clip to use as how I see fit.

Should I make it my ringtone whenever onii-chan calls me?

Maybe my wake-up alarm?

_No, I have a better idea._

"Onii-chan! Can Komachi stop by the Service Club tomorrow?"

* * *

**END**

**Author's Notes:**

[**1**] Reference to Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Part 3. The heroes travel to Egypt in the second half of the story, with a brief arc of them travelling up the Nile.

First off, apologies to anyone who unironically expected a [Hayato x Komachi] ending.

Hayato ended up playing the 'antagonist' role here, but compared to my other stories, I tried to portray him in a better light. If you take what he says about Haruno with a grain of salt (or a ton of salt), then maybe [Hayato x Yumiko] is sailing in the future?

Originally, Miura Yumiko wasn't going to appear in the climax, but I wanted someone to react on behalf on Hayato. I didn't want the Service Club members to witness Hachiman's cringe firsthand, so Miura filled the spot instead.

I'm pretty sure Komachi is just going to tease her onii-chan with the recording, not use it as a declaration that the other girls have lost. Poor Hachiman, now the accusations of being a sis-con aren't so baseless anymore.


	2. Epilogue A & B

**Epilogue-A — Teasing Komachi Path**

* * *

Reading my light novel, drinking tea in the Service Club, I was at peace.

Yesterday's confession turned out to be nothing more than an elaborate ploy concocted by my devious yet adorable imouto, all to force her beloved onii-chan (Me) to reaffirm his love for her.

As far as motives went, I could find no fault with that. I just wished Hayama wasn't used as the fake partner. _Your onii-chan nearly had a heart attack when Hayama said yes! Be more considerate of your onii-chan's fragile constitution next time you pull a stunt like this! Or better yet, don't pull a stunt like this ever again!_

But try as I might (and I didn't try very hard at all), I couldn't stay mad at Komachi. And to make things even better, she was coming over to join us later this afternoon! Her mere presence would be enough for me to withstand the inane chatter from Yuigahama, the volley of insults from Yukinoshita, and the manual labor foisted upon me by Isshiki.

The downside, of course, being that I would be unfairly labelled as a sis-con once again, bearing the cross despite having committed no sin. I was already used to it, having accepted that my love for my imouto was beyond the insect-sized brains of those who blasphemed.

***WHAM***

Ah, right on time, Isshiki. And Yukinoshita, your next line will be, 'Knock, Isshiki-san! How many times do we have to remind you of this?' [**1**]

"Knock, Isshiki-san! How many times do we have to remind you of this?" A predictable response to a predictable course of action.

"Yahallo, Yukinoshita-senpai, Yuigahama-senpai!" Ignoring Yukinoshita's reprimand, I see. And hey, where's my greeting?

"Senpai, look who I ran into outside!" Oh, there we go. You're forgiven, Isshiki. Safely leading my imouto to the Service Club is a role that I expect you take seriously.

"Onii-chan! Hi, Yukino-chan, Yui-chan!" I could already feel the stress leaving my body.

"Yo."

"Greetings, Isshiki-san, Komachi-chan."

"Yahallo, Iroha, Komachi-chan!"

"So what brings you to the Service Club today, Komachi-chan?" It was always surprising to me that Komachi had somehow lowered the Ice Queen's defenses, something that few people had ever accomplished.

"Komachi is just here to spend time with her onii-chan, see if he's made any progress!"

I paused. "Progress? What kind of 'progress' are you referring to, Komachi?"

"If we're talking about curing him of his rotten outlook on life, there is still a long way to go, I'm afraid," explained Yukinoshita. "However, he has shown occasional human-like traits, indicating that he may yet be able to integrate into society as a somewhat functioning person, though he may have to forfeit his delusions of becoming a househusband due to a lack of women willing to sacrifice themselves for little to no returns."

_There's not enough aloe in the world to heal that burn._

"I think there's hope for Senpai yet," countered Isshiki.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but what exactly are you basing that on?"

She didn't respond, instead she turned her head to the side and muttered, "…Baka."

I would have to ask her later in private exactly why she felt the need to insult me for merely requesting an explanation.

"Well, I don't think onii-chan has to worry about finding someone to be with in the future, because he already has someone in mind!" piped up Komachi.

All eyes suddenly went wide, as everyone's attention focused on my imouto.

"W-w-what do you mean, Komachi-chan? Hikki has someone he likes?" stuttered Yuigahama.

"Yes, please divulge who this mystery individual is, so that we can prepare necessary precautions to safeguard her well-being from Hiki-criminal-kun."

"Senpai! Could it be…? Did all that training finally pay off?"

Sighing, I stated, "Komachi, what on earth are you talking about? You know that your onii-chan is a proud loner who doesn't waste time and energy on things such as romance, right?"

She took out her phone and hit the play button, a sound recording of some sort.

_"__I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love Komachi more than anyone else in the world. That's an immutable truth that will never change."_

_ "__Onii-chan!"_

_"__I meant exactly what I said, Komachi."_

I went white as a sheet. She recorded yesterday's incident? Why did she play it in front of my club mates and Isshiki? What was she planning?

Slowly turning my face towards them, I could see disappointment, disgust, and…jealousy (?) etched on their faces.

"""Sis-con."""

Komachi grinned.

I howled.

It _had_ been a peaceful day in the Service Club.

* * *

**Epilogue-B — ? Komachi Path**

* * *

Reading my light novel, drinking tea in the Service Club, I was at peace.

Yesterday's confession turned out to be nothing more than an elaborate ploy concocted by my devious yet adorable imouto, all to force her beloved onii-chan (Me) to reaffirm his love for her.

As far as motives went, I could find no fault with that. I just wish Hayama wasn't used as the fake partner. _Your onii-chan nearly had a heart attack when Hayama said yes! Be more considerate of your onii-chan's fragile constitution next time you pull a stunt like this! Or better yet, don't pull a stunt like this ever again!_

But try as I might (and I didn't try very hard at all), I couldn't stay mad at Komachi. And to make things even better, she was coming over to join us later this afternoon! Her mere presence would be enough for me to withstand the inane chatter from Yuigahama, the volley of insults from Yukinoshita, and the manual labor foisted upon me by Isshiki.

The downside, of course, being that I would be unfairly labelled as a sis-con once again, bearing the cross despite having committed no sin. I was already used to it, having accepted that my love for my imouto was beyond the insect-sized brains of those who blasphemed.

***WHAM***

Ah, right on time, Isshiki. And Yukinoshita, your next line will be, 'Knock, Isshiki-san! How many times do we have to remind you of this?'

"Knock, Isshiki-san! How many times do we have to remind you of this?" A predictable response to a predictable course of action.

"Yahallo, Yukinoshita-senpai, Yuigahama-senpai!" Ignoring Yukinoshita's reprimand, I see. And hey, where's my greeting?

"Senpai, look who I ran into outside!" Oh, there we go. You're forgiven, Isshiki. Safely leading my imouto to the Service Club is a role that I expect you take seriously.

"Onii-chan! Hi, Yukino-chan, Yui-chan!" I could already feel the stress leaving my body.

"Yo."

"Greetings, Isshiki-san, Komachi-chan."

"Yahallo, Iroha, Komachi-chan!"

"So what brings you to the Service Club today, Komachi-chan?" It was always surprising to me that Komachi had somehow lowered the Ice Queen's defenses, something that few people had ever accomplished.

"Komachi is just here to spend time with her onii-chan, see if he's made any progress!"

I paused. "Progress? What kind of 'progress' are you referring to, Komachi?"

"If we're talking about curing him of his rotten outlook on life, there is still a long way to go, I'm afraid," explained Yukinoshita. "However, he has shown occasional human-like traits, indicating that he may yet be able to integrate into society as a somewhat functioning person, though he may have to forfeit his delusions of becoming a househusband due to a lack of women willing to sacrifice themselves for little to no returns."

_There's not enough aloe in the world to heal that burn._

"I think there's hope for Senpai yet," countered Isshiki.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but what exactly are you basing that on?"

She didn't respond, instead she turned her head to the side and muttered, "…Baka."

I would have to ask her later in private exactly why she felt the need to insult me for merely requesting an explanation.

"Well, I don't think onii-chan has to worry about finding someone to be with in the future, because **_he already belongs to me_**," proclaimed Komachi in a sultry tone.

_Wait, sultry? Were my ears deceiving me?_

All eyes suddenly went wide, as everyone's attention focused on my imouto.

"W-w-what do you mean by that, Komachi-chan?" stuttered Yuigahama.

"Senpai! Are you two like that?"

Sighing, I stated, "No, Isshiki, I can assure you that my sister and I are not in that sort of relationship. Komachi, please back me up here."

Ignoring my calls for backup, Komachi took out her phone and hit the play button, a sound recording of some sort.

_"__I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love Komachi more than anyone else in the world. That's an immutable truth that will never change."_

_ "__Onii-chan!"_

_"__I meant exactly what I said, Komachi."_

I went white as a sheet. She recorded yesterday's incident? Why did she play it in front of my club mates and Isshiki? What was she planning?

"As you can see, onii-chan has already declared his love for me, loud and clear."

"Komachi, that was in the context of sibling love! Familial love! We're blood-related, for crying out loud!"

"Hikki's right! It's bad, immortal!"

"The word is 'immoral', Yuigahama-san," corrected Yukinoshita. She glared at me, asking, "What sort of filth have you been filling her head with, Hiki-siscon-kun?"

"I don't know what's gotten into her!" I pleaded. "She isn't normally like this! She was just fine yesterday!" I was telling the truth; did her publicly-engineered confession from me trip something in her mind?

Without warning, Komachi walked over to where I was sitting, before plopping herself down onto my lap, facing me. Wrapping her arms around my neck, I stared into her eyes, noting that they were devoid of the usual shine they held.

I had to gather up all of my willpower to avoid getting turned on by the forbidden path this was heading towards. There were too many witnesses here; my life would definitely be over if my body reacted in ways I didn't want it to.

"Onii-chan," she breathed out, tickling my ear and causing my face to redden two shades. "Do you love Komachi?"

"Y-yes," I stuttered, quickly adding, "But only as a little sister. You know we can't cross that line." I was sweating profusely now. The other three girls were in so much shock that they hadn't so much as moved an inch from where they stood.

Komachi drew nearer. "But what if I want us to cross that line, onii-chan?"

"M-my answer is still 'no'." _My little sister can't be this seductive!_

"But aren't you always disapproving of me dating other boys? Like Taishi-kun and Hayama-senpai?"

"Hayama-senpai?" whispered Isshiki. _It's not what you think, Isshiki. I'll explain it to you some other time, but I have more pressing matters to excise myself from at the moment._

"T-That's because I'm your onii-chan. I have to look out for your best interests, and those guys simply weren't good enough to pass my onii-chan imposed standards."

"But that just means that only onii-chan is good enough for me, doesn't it?" She licked her lips in anticipation. I merely gulped in dread. "Is there any flaw in my logic, onii-chan?"

"Komachi, don't do th-"

I never got a chance to finish my sentence, as my airflow was suddenly blocked.

My imouto had pressed her soft lips to mine, an unthinkable act between siblings.

As she was sitting on my lap, limbs wrapped around me, I could not find the leverage to shake her off, forced to endure the taboo act for the entire duration.

When Komachi finally pulled away, a thin trail of saliva connected us, indicating that the kiss was anything but chaste.

"Why"? was all I could weakly ask, unable to comprehend her actions.

"Like I said, onii-chan is **mine**. I won't hand him over to anybody else." Her empty eyes terrified me. Who was she and what had she done with my adorable imouto?

"Komachi-chan, stop this at once! It's obvious that you are unwell; let's take you to the nurse's office right away."

"No." Yukinoshita froze, ironic for the Ice Queen, huh? I was desperately trying to find a distraction in this situation, unwilling to accept that Komachi was so far gone.

To re-emphasize her point, Komachi brought her lips to mine again, this time forcing her tongue into my oral cavity. _No good, I'm losing myself to this. At this rate, I won't be able to get married anymore. __Was this how my home life was going to be from now on? My final bastion, destroyed, just like that?_

In the distance, I heard screaming, but my consciousness was already fading.

The last thing I heard Komachi say was, "Don't worry, onii-chan. No matter what, Komachi will always be by your side."

"**Because Komachi also loves onii-chan more than anyone else in the world**."

* * *

**END?**

**Author's Notes:**

[**1**] Reference to Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Part 2: Battle Tendency. The protagonist has a tendency (yes, pun intended) to utter this line with surprisingly high accuracy, much to the shock of his opponents.

At the insistence of some reviewers, here are two possible epilogues to the story. I felt incredibly unclean after writing the second one. I was originally going to include a third, Yandere!Komachi, but I think I'll save that for my never-happening Obsession-UC sequel. There's probably too much overlap with Incest!Komachi anyways.

To tell you the truth, this was purely written so that **u/jminator** could die in peace. A strange last request, but if it's within my ability to grant him that, why not?

**u/Clipsus**, I was more surprised that anyone was still alive to comment, since I was aiming for a 100% heart attack death rate, much like a Death Note user.

**u/Calvados**, are you saying [Hayato x Sagami] would be preferable to [Hayato x Yumiko]? I don't think you meant in comparison to [Hayato x Komachi], because I would never write a misleading fic with that pairing. Also, I technically do have a [Hayato x Sagami] fic already...


	3. Epilogue C

**Epilogue-C — ? Path**

* * *

Reading my light novel, drinking tea in the Service Club, I was at peace.

Yesterday's confession turned out to be nothing more than an elaborate ploy concocted by my devious yet adorable imouto, all to force her beloved onii-chan (Me) to reaffirm his love for her.

As far as motives went, I could find no fault with that. I just wish Hayama wasn't used as the fake partner. _Your onii-chan nearly had a heart attack when Hayama said yes! Be more considerate of your onii-chan's fragile constitution next time you pull a stunt like this! Or better yet, don't pull a stunt like this ever again!_

But try as I might (and I didn't try very hard at all), I couldn't stay mad at Komachi. And to make things even better, she was coming over to join us later this afternoon! Her mere presence would be enough for me to withstand the inane chatter from Yuigahama, the volley of insults from Yukinoshita, and the manual labor foisted upon me by Isshiki.

The downside, of course, being that I would be unfairly labelled as a sis-con once again, bearing the cross despite having committed no sin. I was already used to it, having accepted that my love for my imouto was beyond the insect-sized brains of those who blasphemed.

***WHAM***

Ah, right on time, Isshiki. And Yukinoshita, your next line will be, 'Knock, Isshiki-san! How many times do we have to remind you of this?'

"Knock, Isshiki-san! How many times do we have to remind you of this?" A predictable response to a predictable course of action.

"Yahallo, Yukinoshita-senpai, Yuigahama-senpai!" Ignoring Yukinoshita's reprimand, I see. And hey, where's my greeting?

"Senpai, look who I ran into outside!" Oh, there we go. You're forgiven, Isshiki. Safely leading my imouto to the Service Club is a role that I expect you take seriously.

"Onii-chan! Hi, Yukino-chan, Yui-chan!" I could already feel the stress leaving my body.

"Yo."

"Greetings, Isshiki-san, Komachi-chan."

"Yahallo, Iroha, Komachi-chan!"

"So what brings you to the Service Club today, Komachi-chan?" It was always surprising to me that Komachi had somehow lowered the Ice Queen's defenses, something that few people had ever accomplished.

"Komachi is just here to spend time with her onii-chan, see if he's made any progress!"

I paused. "Progress? What kind of 'progress' are you referring to, Komachi?"

"If we're talking about curing him of his rotten outlook on life, there is still a long way to go, I'm afraid," explained Yukinoshita. "However, he has shown occasional human-like traits, indicating that he may yet be able to integrate into society as a somewhat functioning person, though he may have to forfeit his delusions of becoming a househusband due to a lack of women willing to sacrifice themselves for little to no returns."

_There's not enough aloe in the world to heal that burn._

"I think there's hope for Senpai yet," countered Isshiki.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but what exactly are you basing that on?"

She didn't respond, instead she turned her head to the side and muttered, "…Baka."

I would have to ask her later in private exactly why she felt the need to insult me for merely requesting an explanation.

"Well, I don't think onii-chan has to worry about finding someone to be with in the future, because he's already confessed to someone!"

All eyes suddenly went wide, as everyone's attention focused on my imouto.

"Wh-what? Hikki confessed to someone?"

"I didn't think you had it in you, Senpai. Way to go," congratulated Isshiki.

"As much as I like to celebrate this major step forward for Hikigaya-kun, I am more concerned about the victim's mental state, undoubtedly traumatized by the unexpected and unwanted confession."

_Why are you assuming that I'd be rejected? Wait, is this about Orimoto, who __did__ reject me? That was years ago! What is Komachi talking about? I haven't done anything of the sort since then!_

Sighing, I stated, "Komachi, why are you bringing that up now? You know full well how that ended up. I've already moved on a long time ago." If I had to divulge any more details here and now, it would only be reopening old wounds.

She didn't verbally respond, instead she took out her phone and hit the play button, a sound recording of some sort.

_I, Hikigaya Hachiman, love [Yumiko] more than anyone else in the world._

_Hikio!_

_Onii-chan!_

_I meant exactly what I said, [Yumiko]. I'm sorry, but I love you too much to allow you to date Hayama, no matter how much you like him. Hayama, I won't yield on this._

_I see, Hachiman. It's my loss again._

_Kyahhhh! Onii-chan is sort of cool, but also super cringey!_

I went white as a sheet. What the hell was Komachi planning now? Wasn't it enough to nearly give your onii-chan a heart attack yesterday? Not only did she secretly record yesterday's incident, but she had gone to the trouble of editing it to make it sound like I was talking about Miura, of all people! The Fire Queen of Soubu! Me!

Slowly turning my head towards the others, I tried to put together a rebuttal explaining the manipulative and misleading editing without throwing my imouto under the bus, but didn't get a word in edgewise when the accusations started flying.

"Hikki, since when were you on a first name basis with Yumiko?" Yuigahama was blindsided by the misunderstanding that I had a thing for her close friend, since she started furiously mashing away on her phone, no doubt looking for answers from the two not-present individuals, Miura and Hayama.

"I'm not!" Biting my thumb, I tried to figure out how Komachi managed to use my voice to say 'Yumiko', before realizing it was probably pieced together from other parts of our brief conversation. [**1**] She even managed to muffle the background noise enough to cover up the obvious jump cuts!

"How bold of you, Senpai, opposing Hayama-senpai like that. I'm actually impressed that my training worked better than expected," bragged Isshiki.

"No! That's not what happened!" I retorted. "I'm being setup here! Does this even sound like something I would ever say?" My protests fell on deaf ears, my fate already being decided by a less-than-impartial judge and jury.

"While it is far outside of my expectations, I must say I had a feeling your sudden absence from club yesterday was awfully suspicious." _Yukinoshita was skeptical from the beginning? Well, thankfully, she didn't voice those suspicious to Hiratsuka-sensei._ "When I called Komachi-san yesterday to confirm your whereabouts, her hesitation in responding only confirmed that the excuse you fed Yuigahama was nothing but a smokescreen for your true purpose."

While it's true that I did lie to Yuigahama, it was most certainly not so that I could confess to Miura, a complete non-event.

Suddenly the clubroom door swung open, a panting figure ready to join the chaos.

"**HI-KI-O!**" roared the Fire Queen. "**WHAT-IS-THE-MEANING-OF-THIS?!**" She held up her phone, the screen covered by a wall of text, no doubt from Yuigahama, seeing as it was littered with emoticons, along with the questions I had already been bombarded with, just redirected towards Miura. "What nonsense are you trying to spread? If this reaches Hayato's ears, I'll never forgive you!"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes yet again; even if I did have every intention to spread such baseless rumors, what would that even accomplish? It only mentions a confession, but nothing about Miura's response. Besides, seeing as how I was the Most Hated Man in Soubu ™, it wouldn't be difficult for Miura to add an addendum about her shooting my non-existent confession down in order to smother the wildfires and distance herself from the rumors.

_But, now that you're here in person, Miura…_

Quickly grabbing her wrist, I led her out of the room, much to everyone's shock, including my own.

"Hikio! Unhand me! What's gotten into you? First the rumors, now this!"

I sighed internally, the feeling of déjà vu washing over me. Wordlessly, I closed the door behind us and dragged the very reluctant girl down the hall until I was sure we were out of earshot. I released her wrist and quickly explained that both of us were being played by my imouto for reasons unknown, that I had tried telling the other girls that none of it was true, but I was not given the chance to properly explain my side of the story.

Miura tapped her foot impatiently, rubbing her wrist. "And? What does any of that have to do with me?"

"Like I said, I don't know what my imouto is thinking! If she's trying to make the other girls jealous by creating a fake rival out of thin air, nothing could make less sense than choosing you, someone who sits at the top of the social ladder along with Hayama!" _Not to mention, the others would only get jealous if they actually felt that way about me in the first place, which is in itself quite doubtful._

Miura snapped her fingers. "I think I know what's going on, Hikio." _What? Impossible! No one understands Komachi better than I do!_ "You little sister, despite how much she cares about you, knows that society will never approve of the two of you as a couple, so she's desperately trying to find a girl who she approves of for you, as convoluted as that plan is."

Huh. I did hear rumors about a brother-sister pair who went so far as to alienate their family and friends, knowing that no one could ever understand their feelings towards each other, but I wasn't anywhere near that far gone that I would ruin Komachi's life like that. [**2**]

"But that still doesn't explain why she used you as the template! You two have barely interacted with each other!"

"Hikio, your sister is likely much more perceptive that she looks."

Are you telling me she figured out Miura's feelings towards Hayama, that Miura went to the same school as us and the Service Club members, was someone who wasn't a complete stranger to the Service Club members, and was inexplicably somehow a plausible candidate despite the first point?

…Was Komachi spying on me this entire time?

I groaned; My sister's plan to play matchmaker were ill-conceived, as usual. Hopefully, Miura would have a better chance of convincing them of the truth.

* * *

**END?**

**Author's Notes:**

[**1**] In English, it wouldn't be a stretch to see how ['You' + 'Me' + 'Ko(machi)' = 'Yumiko']. Of course, not only would the Japanese intonation and pronunciation be somewhat different than an English mashup, but since the characters would be speaking Japanese in the first place, the sources would be some other words, chopped up and remixed. ['Yu(?)' + 'Mi(?)' + 'Ko(machi)'].

[**2**] OreImo and Oregairu both take place in Chiba, though it is not a shared universe, barring unofficial non-canon crossovers.

So I decided to squeeze one more extra out of this. I had considered having Hikigaya and Miura re-enter the clubroom and pretending to be a couple, but had a difficult time writing it, though I really liked the idea of Yuigahama losing her shit and going full mad dog. I also find well-done vocal/dialogue splicing to be rather entertaining. My favorite is an infamous troll video recut to extol the greatness of a particular shoot-'em-up. God bless the PS Triple.


End file.
